Thursday, October 22, 2009

Blog Vomit

I apologize for blog vomiting! I hate it when people do this! It makes it hard to read everything when they post so many things at once and I feel like I'm missing out on things when I don't read it all. I understand very well now why they do! Life gets busy, kids demand attention, but you still want to document life! So I'm sorry to have blog vomited and I promise to try and be more on top of things!

Sunday Best

Croix was just down right adorable on Sunday!!

He wasn't so happy about having to wait to eat after church for me to take a picture!

My handsome boys!

He's growing!

Croix is smiling!

And since it's so cute here's another one!

And the next day he rolled over!

He's adorable and I can't believe he's rolling over already! Just a little over achiever already!

Croix's Nursery

I think it turned out pretty great how about you?

I picked out all the fabrics for the bumper.

It's the little things

My "art work"

Croix's Blessing

Croix was blessed this past fast Sunday. It was such a beautiful, sweet experance! As Brent walked up and our family and good friends went and joined him and stood in a circle around our little boy the tears flowed. I was overwhelemed with love and joy! I am so in love with Brent! It's absolutly amazing how having a child, creating life together, grows your love! I think I fall a little more in love with him everytime I see him with Croix! He is such a wonderful Dad! And little Croix is just the light of my life! I don't think there are even words to describe the depth of love you feel for your child! It's a love I've never known before. I value this even more since we watied so long for this experance! It was wonderful to see them together in such a tender moment! It was also so great to have my family come and visit and be here for his blessing! Here are some of the pics from the weekend.

For more click here

hi-ho hi-ho It's off to Work I Go

I started working again this week. I'm so glad that for me going back to work means working a couple hours a day a few days a week. If I had to go back to work full time I'd be freaking out right now. But the fact that I can work for a couple hours, interact with some clients, and then come right back home, or just down stairs and see my baby again I kind of like. Now don't get me wrong, my first day back I got Croix all dressed and ready to go and as I'm rushing to get everything together to take him to the baby sitters he's smiling away I did shed a few tears that I was leaving him with someone else, especially during his happy awake time. But Croix did great and it was good to feel productive. It makes me so happy that when I was deciding what to do with my life I thought this far into the future. One sad thing about going back to doing massage, no more finger nails! They did look like this:


Now they look like this:

Ugly! :P That's one down side of being a massage therapist, no finger nails.

I was a little worried going back after not being able to work for 7 months. I gave Brent a massage and then two of my brothers back massages, and I felt like I had lost my flow. Flow being my protocol, my rhythm, my massage. I was having to think about what I was going to do, and didn't know where I was going next. I used to be able to just do a massage with out thinking, I could even have done it blind folded! So I was a little thrown off by the fact I had to think about what I was doing and didn't know what I was going to do next. But with my first client as soon as I was in my massage space, with the lights off and the music going it all came right back. It wasn't quite as effortless as it had been but I didn't feel lost. And as I've worked this week I've felt more and more comfortable. So if you or anyone you know needs an amazing massage just let me know.....'cus I'M BACK!

Life Has Changed

A couple weeks ago two of my really good friends showed up on my doorstep. One of them lives in Idaho and the other lives in Utah! They just decided to come down and surprise me! Can I tell you how happy this made me!!! It had been years since I'd seen either of them! It was so wonderful to reminisce with them. They are both so funny, we just laughed and laughed! They soaked up some of Croix's sweetness and just loved him, who doesn't though ;-) Having them here visiting really made it sink in that life has changed forever! One of them is single and the other is married but doesn't have kids yet. So they were here just the two of them, no worries, no attachments. Of course we wanted to go do things. So for the first time since Croix was born I tried to do things I used to do before he was born. We went to lunch. It was my first time going out to eat since he had been born. Of course he started crying in the middle of lunch. I didn't get to eat anything. I was so worried I was ruining everyone's lunch at the restaurant. Thankfully we were at lunch at 2 in the afternoon so it was pretty empty. Then the next day we met up at the mall. As I'm walking around Forever 21 trying to figure out where I can go to feed Croix since he's started fussing and then started screaming, it really sank in, life is different. I can still go to the mall, I can still go out to eat, but it will never be as carefree again. Even if I were able to leave him at home with Brent, I'd still have to worry about feeding times, or making sure I pumped or fed just before leaving so I don't explode. This is not a sad thing at all. I'm thrilled that my life now revolves around Croix but I think it took having good friends come and tying to do routine things to make me realize how things are so different.

Let's Talk About Boobs

This whole breastfeeding business is no walk in the park. I'm not saying it's the hardest thing I've ever done, or even that it's necessarily hard, but I doubt anyone would ever say it's easy. I feel like by boobs are now their own sovereign nation! They've made up there own rules and now run themselves! They go to war with my body and my life turning off and on when ever they want, I have no say in the matter. They decide to hurt for no reason causing difficulties with sleeping, wearing clothes, and taking showers, among other things. This should be manageable with nursing pads right. Well yes it is but even those come with their own set of issues. The disposable ones get smelly. Wake up in the morning and they smell of sour milk. So I decide to be environmentally friendly and economically smart and use the washable reusable ones. Well those don't exactly trap in the moisture the same way the disposable ones do. They just soak it up and then they dry out. When they dry out my nipples stick to them! It's like ripping a band aid off your nipples. Oh joy!

Also being a working woman I've got to pump so my baby can have this magical breast milk. I thought I'd just pump after each feeding and build up enough supply to start working. HA!! Maybe there are women out there who produce enough milk to do this but little Croix and the sovereign nation of my boobs have a great trade agreement going. Supply and demand is just perfect! After a few days of gleaning about half an ounce after each feeding, maybe 3 ounces over the course of 3 days I realized at that rate it would take me a year to get enough milk built up to go back to work! So I decided to supplement with formula for one feeding a day until I had enough. Deciding to do this I had to just stick with my decision and not second guess myself. If I did I'm sure I would convince myself that I was lowering his IQ, decreasing his health, etc. Well this worked pretty well. I'm now working again and Croix still gets the benefit of breast milk. I just get to feel like old Bessie being milked. That has got to be the most unattractive thing ever!

A word of wisdom for those of you who have yet to have children. There are some things that most people don't talk about and therefor you don't have a clue about when you experience them. So let me step out of the social norm and discuss one thing for just a sec. When you finally get the ok from the Dr. to do the mattress mambo again, wear a bra! Remember they turn them selves on! Awkward!

On the bright side breastfeeding is truly a beautiful thing! I love the bonding time I get with Croix! I love that through the great design of a Heavenly Father I have exactly what my child needs! I also love the fact that I'm saving hundreds of dollars by doing something wonderful! And let us not forget the new girls! The other day for the first time in my life a friend of mine said I looked voluptuous! NEVER in my life has that word been used in reference to me. It made me smile! Although I'm glad to have lost the porn star boobs that appeared about 5 days after he was home! Ridiculous not to mention painful!! Engorgement is not my friend!

So here's to boobs, the good, the bad, the ugly of it all!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Maternity Pictures

Heather is Amazing!

If you'd like to see the rest of the shoots go here.