Going to the Dark Side

I've been ready to cut my hair for quite some time.  About the time I decided to cut my hair my sister got engaged.  I love long hair for formal occasions and thus decided to wait until after the wedding.  All that time I was just so over my long hair.  It had gotten so long it was getting stuck behind me when I would sit.  There was hair EVERYWHERE!  The shower was constantly getting plugged, I was getting tired of it.  But I held out until the wedding.  I also decided that I wanted to dye my hair dark brown with some purple or blue highlights.  I kept that a secret.  I got tired of people telling me not to color it.  Don't get me wrong I LOVE my natural color, but why shouldn't I get to have fun and dye my hair like the rest of the world just because I was blessed with an awesome natural color???  Ok well even with that logic I was still a little nervous so here's what I did.  I used a temporary color that just washes out after like 12 washes.  I got hair extensions in both blue and purple.  This way I get to have a little fun but don't have to worry about long lasting color. 

BEFORE

 The curly sexiness

Don't mind my messy bathroom

Man those were some long locks!

 A little crimped sass.

Don't mind the weird face I'm making here.

AFTER

And you know what....I LOVE IT!!!!  It is so super fun!  I just have to play with the extensions and see if I can get them to behave a little better.  They seem to want to just stick straight out and not curl under nicely.  We'll see what I can do with those or if I have to abandon the blue/purple.

Exhausting

Sometimes being a stay at home Mom is down right exhausting.  Yesterday I was trying to get somethings done in the morning.  I was washing my face brushing my teeth and then putting laundry away.  While in the bathroom Croix pulled all the toilet paper off the roll.  Was putting it in the toilet and than getting it back out again.  Emptied most of the contents of the drawers cupbard in the bathroom.  Then I got all my hangers put them on the bed, started hanging clothes.  Croix went to his room pulled all the books off his book shelf.  Then came in my room again, climbed up on my bed.  Pushed all the hangers on the floor.  I'm picking those up and he pushes all the clothes on the hangers on the floor.  Pick those up, he pushes the hangers on the floor again.  Take him off the bed.....again and I breathe and remind myself it's just mess and he's just a toddler.  I continue hanging clothes when he climbs on top of the computer desk and starts throwing everything off.  This is when I had to put him outside my bedroom door and give myself a time out!  He's a tornado of destruction.  I've got ten times the mess I started with and barely a dent in the laundry.  I give in and put some cartoons on the computer.  Open my door.  Give him a big kiss and hug.  He turns into a zombie.  I get the laundry done. 

By nap time I was exhausted.  Not necessarily physically exhausted, just exhausted.  I love being a stay at home Mom.  It's such a gift and blessing.  But man it can be challenging at times.

Infertility

I just read this article.  I loved it!  It was pretty great!  Even if you haven't had to deal with infertility it was still a great read.  Here are a few parts I loved the most.

"In the context of the Church, where the family is celebrated as the fundamental unit of society,  not having children can be an especially difficult challenge."

I felt that was very mildly put :D

"Brenda notes that while some well-meaning people tried to assist by suggesting what might be wrong with her or what she could try, that didn’t help. “I just needed people to buoy me up as I struggled and to acknowledge that what I was going through was difficult.”

So well put I don't need a solution (it doesn't matter if so and so did xyz that doesn't mean it will work for me, and if it's something you can find on the internet, trust me I've read it), I don't need to be told how to feel (don't worry, just relax) I just need friends to strengthen me, to love me.

"Melody Linton recalls sitting in testimony meeting and hearing new mothers say things like, “God trusted me enough to bless me with this baby.”

“I can understand why they said it,” Melody admits. “It’s a fair statement. But in my situation without a child, I couldn’t help but think, ‘God doesn’t trust me.’"

Sometimes it helps to be aware of others before you speak.

“When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.”

Wow 

“There’s nothing in the scriptures or anywhere in the gospel that teaches us to suffer in silence,” Curtis continues. “That’s a cultural thing. When you suffer in silence, you suffer more deeply. We went through periods where we were waiting for someone to take the first step to us. Be willing to approach others first. Share your story; you’ll find that others will often open up after that.”

This is why I blog about infertility, even sometimes when I don't want to because if feels too personal.

“What I would have planned for our life would pale in comparison to what God has given us. What He has in mind for His children is better than anything we could ever design.”

That's right God is great and good and will bless my life beyond what I can imagine if I can have enough faith to accept his will!

The article is titled Faith and Infertility by Melissa Merrill

For additional support I recommend  2of us4now support group.  They have that web page and from their you can find the online support group.   They offer support for infertility, miscarriage, and adoption.  I have found much support there.

General Conference

Every six months The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) holds a conference where the prophet and other church leaders speak to us.  I always look forward to it.  This time, with fears of infertility creeping up in my mind, worries of what we should do, when we should do it, etc. I decided to pray for guidance as to the steps we should take in trying to add to our family, when we should take them etc.  I love how the Lord answers our prayers readily and with such love. As I laid (because the only place we could watch was on our computer in our bedroom) and listened to inspired words I felt inspired.  I was reminded of things I've learned before, I felt peace.

I was reminded that it doesn't really matter what challenges I face, what test results may find, what direction we will take in treatment (if that is necessary).  Yes I will continue to pray every step of the way for guidance and will seek the Lords will for me.  Although that is good and important what really matters is being humble.  To remember to look at trials as a blessing from a loving Heavenly Father.  An opportunity to learn, grow and more fully rely upon him.  There may be tears, there may be struggles and disappointment.  But if I can rely upon the atonement and turn my heartache, fears and burden over to my Savior than I will be ok!  I will be more than ok, I will become a better person, a stronger daughter of God, a more faithful servant.  I was also reminded of the need to turn my will over to the Lord.  As a planner I think I know the best time for things to happen in my life.  Sometimes in my planning I fail to consult my Heavenly Father.  Other times I do but still think my time-line is best.  I cannot describe the peace I feel after listening to inspired words.  I was stuck in my head going in circles with concern and what ifs and fears.  Now I'm at peace. 

I can't wait to get the printed version of Conference!  There are many talks I can't wait to read, study and ponder!

If you would like to hear or read any of  the talks just follow this link.

Here is a picture of my loves watching Conference

Utah Vacation

The day after Brent finished his final class we headed to UT.  My sister was getting married and we were going to enjoy some time together after the completion of Brent's schooling!  Even if it was for my sisters wedding it was still a great way to celebrate finishing school.  We spent hours together in the car, chatting and laughing.  Days together with nothing to do but enjoy each others company.  It was delightful.

We brought along Scout, Croix's favorite stuffed animal.

In Kingman we hit a back up.  Thankfully it didn't last long.

Croix enjoyed lots of reading time.

I enjoyed lots of time watching Croix

And snapping some shots of him

He's the sweetest!

He also got to enjoy lots of time watching movies.

When we got to Utah it was snowing.  It kept snowing the next day.  WE LOVED IT!!!

Croix loved this new stuff called snow!  He even said snow a few times.

Just watching

Yeah he pretty much loved it!

We also spent lots of time with sweet baby Dixie....Croix's future wife.

He loves her already!

Croix loved Dixie!  One night we were hanging out and Dixie was chillin in a dipaer and sitting next to Croix.  He was squealing in delight.  Des said give her a kiss, he leaned in for a big one, went back for some more!  We were laughing hysterically!

Who wouldn't?  She's adorable!

Croix had fun with things long ago put in storage at our house

A high chair became....

A fort

We went to the park, in long sleeves and cool brisk air.  Ahh it was heaven.

He's pro on a ladder.

High Fives!

We enjoyed going to to lunch one day and dinner another.  For lunch we went to get pizza.  The had the biggest bread sticks ever!

When we went out to diner we went to a Mexican place that was delish!  The waitresses fell in love with Croix, who of course was flirting with them.  They loved him so much the brought him free dessert, and a sucker, before he was done with his dinner.  So say getting him to finish was a challenge would be an understatement.  They brought out sugary, chips with whipped cream and chocolate.  This is the mess that ensued.

Croix has a new thing, when ever he sees the emblem on a car he goes over and pushes it and says Beep!

This cracked me up!  There's a vending machine out side someones trailer!

Croix and Uncle Royal, they got along great!

Miss Dixie and Aunt Terina

Croix and Dixie had a great time playing together.

He could even say her name by time we left!

Then we headed back home

Stopped at Burger King

Croix and his cousin Seth had fun in the play ground

Uncle Trenton joined in too (He was really helping!)

Croix's pig face in this is priceless!

We had a great time!  A HUGE thank you to our friends Desiree and Royal who let us stay with them!  Desiree got back from Europe the same night we got there.  Despite being tired and jet lagged she was so much fun!  We love you guys and miss you already!