Just Because

He was sleeping while I was blogging, but as soon as he stirred, I snapped a pic.

He now likes to sleep on his tummy, usually with his face buried in the bumper. I don't like it when he buries his face in the corner of the bumper. I worry about him breathing!

I also love his cute red cheek when he first wakes up. So I tried to get a good pic. The ones before a good one were pretty funny, so you get to enjoy them all! (the flash kept blinding him)

Ear Ring Drama

Ear ring drama? What the heck is that? How in the world can you have drama with ear rings? Well let me tell you how. It's pretty funny! I recently got my ears pierced. I hadn't really been too excited about getting to wear different ear rings because I really like the ones they put in when I initially got them pierced. Oh and that's right I didn't have any other ear rings. Why would I, I'd never had my ears pierced! At the Savvy Sale I went to two weeks ago there was a vendor with super cute ear rings for only $3! I got a few pairs and excitedly started to plan outfits to go with my new ear rings! Only 3 more weeks I thought. Yesterday, Sunday I was really just wanting to wear a new pair.
I said to Brent " I don't get how, after having a baby and an episiotomy my vagina can heal in 6 weeks but it takes my earlobes 8??? How does that make any sense?"
Brent replies "It was only 6 weeks"
Of course I don't believe him! I was sure it was 8 weeks! I pull out my paperwork they sent me home with and sure enough, it's only 6 weeks. That meant I could wear a new pair of my fun ear rings! I try to take out my original pair, they don't budge. I pull and pull and pull....nothing. I wondered if maybe you had to pinch something to get it to release so I ask Brent to try and take them out for me. He looks doesn't see anything to pinch so he also tries pulling. Nothing. Finally he says, maybe we need some pliers. Thank you Mister Boy but I don't think so! I decided I'd rather wait then have him trying to get them out with pliers! Can you just picture that? Me with my head cocked to the side, Brent with pliers yanking on my ear ring. Any way it ended in my head was bad, me with one less ear lobe, me with my ear lobe ripped open, me with a hole in my head from being whacked with pliers, my ear ring ruin. So no, thanks I'll just wait. Sadly I went to church with the same ear rings I've been wearing for the past 6 weeks.
I was at church and asked a good friend if she would look at them and see if there was anything special to them, like a pinch clasp or something. She looks, nothing, do you want me to take it out for you? I felt kind of funny, at church to asking my girlfriend to take out my ear ring for me but I said yes, and felt like a teenager! She pulled it right out!! Just popped it right off! I asked her how she did it, she just pulled. Oh as if Brent and I didn't both just pull. Crazy. After church I still just wanted to change my ear rings even if just for a little while and even if it was just to go to the in laws for dinner. After about 10 min I was able to get the one out that my friend had at church. The other one wouldn't come out! Once we got to my in laws I asked my sister in law to see if she could get it out for me. She pulled and pulled and pulled, nothing. My mother in law says, let me try, pop it came right out! What is wrong with these temperamental ear rings. It's like they have a mind of their own and will only come out for certain people!
Once I finally had them out I put in my new fun ear rings and quite enjoyed wearing them. I should have read the instructions better, apparently for the first 6 months I'm supposed to wear post type ear rings. Hummm not good since all 3 pairs I bought are big, dangly and as I found out yesterday, heavy. Guess I'll just have to buy some more ear rings :D

.....No More!

Potential titles for this post could be:

Hopeful

Rejuvenated

It Was Me?

Not Teething?

I pondered and contemplated and tried to figure out how to get my great sleeper back. I was not going to let teething win and take him from me! I thought of how the kids I nannied always take great naps and sleep wonderfully at night. So I asked their Mom for suggestions. She gave me some tips on things she had done but recommended the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. As I started to read it I was skeptical. It's a "cry it out" system. I am not that kind of parent.....oh wait or am I? Just last week we went from cuddling and rocking/bouncing Croix to sleep, to putting him in his crib and letting him cry himself to sleep. This came about the same time as the ..... post. After nights of bad sleep, and horrible napping I was exhausted, and in physical pain. My little Croix is not so little any more and bouncing him to sleep every night and for every nap was killing my back. Not to mention it wasn't working any more. We used to be able to snuggle him, rock or bounce and with in 2 min. he'd be asleep in our arms and would easily transfer to his crib. He had apparently out grown that stage in his life and we were bouncing for 10, 15, 20 min or longer. He would finally drift off to sleep just to wake up screaming the moment we tried to lay him down. As sad as it was I realized cuddling to sleep was no longer effective for us. Thankfully he has done really well with crying himself to sleep. The first time only took him 13 min. I watched the clock, partly because every minute of his screaming seed like an eternity and I wanted to give it a decent shot and not run in to "rescue" him after only 7 min. because it felt like it had been 30. He has improved over the last few days and when I put him down just a few minutes ago to go to sleep for a nap he only cried for 3 min. I'm so happy this is working!
I got going down for naps figured out but he was still waking up two or three times at night. I was thinking it was teething. As I'm reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child I'm realizing the problem was not teething it was me!!! I couldn't believe it! I had misread cues he had been giving as being ready to drop his 3rd nap. He seemed ok when he skipped it. So I was trying to condense his three naps into two. I had not even put together that about the time I started doing this, he stopped sleeping through the night! How did I miss that? I'm learning a lot from this book. Things I would not have ever thought of, like if you put a baby to bed earlier, they will sleep in later. More sleep begets more sleep! Who would have thought! He even says "it's not logical but it's biological" Basically it doesn't make since in your head but it's what the body does and needs! I'm very hopeful that once I get a good nap schedule established and figure out what time he needs his bed time to be (which may mean earlier) he'll easily sleep through the night again. Hopefully this will mean there will be no need to let him "cry it out" at night. I have a hard enough time letting him cry for a little while at naps, which it says not to let them cry longer then an hour, thankfully Croix didn't come close to that, I don't know if I could have done it. But at night time is says there should be no limit to the crying. My sister in law let her little one cry 4 hours! I really don't know if I could have done that! I'm a big baby! This is the Mommy who has cried every time her baby has gotten shots! I'm a little bit of a tenderhearted boob! :-p

So....if you're little one is not sleeping well I'd recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I'll keep you updated on Croix progress as we work on sleep training him, establish a solid nap schedule and an appropriate bed time! I also cannot express how excited I am to have a good solid schedule! It will make life easier in just about every aspect! Scheduling massages will be easier, scheduling Dr's apts., keeping my house clean, having anyone babysit, just about everything will be easier when Croix has a solid schedule!

I Must Be Crazy....An Invitation To You All!!

The other night Brent and I were laying in bed discussing how miserably out of shape we are. He needs to loose a few lbs and I need to get my heart and lungs in shape (I can get winded running up my stairs once to grab something! Lame-o) I was telling him about my amazing and inspiring friend Amanda. She ran a marathon not that long ago and has recently decided to do a triathlon. Before she did the marathon she had quite a bit of weight to loose. She did it though, ran a marathon and lost all the weight. Now she's put on a few lbs and is going to do a triathlon! I was thinking if she, who is overweight can do it so can I! Brent said he'd do a triathlon with me but it would have to wait till he's done with school. I agree. He simply does not have time to train! I barely see him as it is. I had gotten all excited about it though and didn't want to wait that long to start getting in shape and working towards a goal. I called up my good friend Danita,who has reticently started working out, and said hey do you want to do a triathlon with me? She must be as crazy as I am because she said yes! So I'm going to do it! I was a little terrified because I'm so out of shape but I know I can do this! I think I may be crazy though. I don't think I've ever in my life run a full mile. In high school PE I figured out just how fast I needed to walk a mile to get done in the required time, so I wouldn't have to run! I HATE RUNNING! The biking part I'm ok with. Swimming, let see I just learned how to swim oh about 2 years ago. I'm VERY bad at it, and can barely do it! I figure if I train for a triathlon I'll have to learn how to swim better, which I want to do anyway so it will all be ok. So here I am, I HATE running, don't mind biking, can barely swim and get winded going up one flight of stairs but I'm going to do a triathlon! Loco!

Let me tell you about my first run......
I borrowed Brent's ipod. Picked a good play list. Set off at a nice slow pace. I decided to take the dogs with me because they need the exercise as much as I do. This I think was a mistake as they pulled me all over, wanting to pee on this, smell that, go see this person. Not so helpful. Amanda had told me to do intervals, run 3 min. walk two. So that what I was doing. Only I didn't have a watch so I was just guessing by the songs and how long they had been playing. I don't think this was very accurate and I think it made it harder. It also stopped working when I realized some how I had changed the settings on the ipod so that it changed the song when it gets shaken.....I was running! LOL It was just shuffling through songs. I started thinking I might die! I couldn't breathe! I started to get cramps in my stomach. I was tempted to stop at half a mile but I really just wanted to do a mile! So I thought of Amanda...if she can do it I can do it! I thought of the contestants from last years Biggest Looser who started 400 plus lbs who ran a full marathon! I thought of this seasons current contestant who weighed in at 525 lbs. and got on a treadmill and ran! If they can do it...I can do it! I'm in pain, I can barley breathe, now I feel like I'm going to vomit. I think maybe I should stop if I'm going to vomit. Think of The Biggest Looser....nope, cant stop, they DO vomit and Jillian and Bob don't let them stop! I ended up walking the last 1/4 mile at least but I did a mile! I was proud of myself! When I got home I hovered by the sink for 10 min. because I still felt like I was going to vomit, I didn't. The rest of the day, and the next day my lungs felt beat up! They were rattly and hurt a little. But the next time I ran, it wasn't as bad, the next time, even better. I highly doubt I'll ever enjoy running but at least I don't think I'm going to die every time!

I also have been riding my bike. This seems easier to me. My legs feel like jello when I'm done, but it's satisfying. Feeling a little sore is rewarding.

I have yet to brave the pool, it's so cold. I can't afford a gym membership with a heated pool so I borrowed a wet suit from a friend. That scares me. Not to mention I'm pretty sure I'm going to look like an idiot going to my community pool in a wet suit in Feb, but if it's what I have to do, I'll do it, hopefully! Or just wait till it warms a up a bit. Until then the wet suit taunts me every day to go and try.

My Invitation

So here's my invitation, join me! Before you laugh me off, I'm not doing a triathlon right away. My goal is the beginning of next year sometime, when Brent can join me! What I'm going to do first is call the Muddy Buddy. It's just running and biking. It's not till Nov. It honestly sounds like fun. If you think you're too old, you are not. The Biggest Looser last year had a Grandmother in her 50's or 60's and on the Amazing Race this season there is a 70 something Grandmother! If you think you are too fat I doubt you weigh 525 lbs! If you think you are too out of shape, you can't be worse then me, who gets winded going up a flight of stairs. If you think you don't have time I have a six month old baby and work part time as well as serving in my church! If you think you have too many healthy problems on the Biggest Looser (sorry I keep bringing it up but it inspires me) There are people with major health problems. They had recently been in the hospital, they have joint problems, and a whole laundry list of why they are so unhealthy! If you think you can't afford it, I'm doing all my training with out a gym, you can too! Let's do it! We'll have lots of fun! Go to the Muddy Buddy web site. Read about it! It sounds like a blast! If you don't live in the area, find something near you! There are also Muddy Buddy races all over the nation! You can do it!!!

Holes In My Head

I, at the ripe old age of twenty seven and a half got my ears pierced! I never got it done when I was a kid because my parents wouldn't let me. Then when I was 17 (I think) our dear Prophet Gordon B. Hinkley advised that girls only have one modest set of earrings. Well I'd already decided if I was ever going to get my ears pierced I wanted three holes. One in each lobe and then one at the top of my right ear. So if I could only have two then I would rather have none. So I survived 2 proms, my wedding and being in 4 wedding with our earrings. I figured what other reasons could a girl really use to have pretty ear rings? I didn't really need them. Well it was true need them I did not. But LOVE them I sure do! Brent got a gift certificate for me to get it done for Christmas. I was a little hesitant but figured what the heck, why not! I was mildly nervous as the lady pulled out the crazy device to put additional holes in my head but I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't really hurt! I was also surprised at the length of after care! TWO months I'm supposed to clean them 3 times a day?!?! Ummm yeah not been so good at that. I will say as I left I was still a little sad. That 3rd hole still appeals to me. I still think it's cool. I'd still love to get it. But I'm following the prophet!

On a side note, Croix and I went to Walmart, for brownies and ice cream, to get out of the house, to see other people. Although I hate walmart it was just what I needed. We both enjoyed the crazy people of walmart (which have you seen that web site!!! GO it's hilarious!) Which included the lady in front of me at the express 10 items or less check out who split her 30 items into 3 transactions. Because that makes sense! That night Croix also mostly slept through the night again. He still woke up and whimpered, but did not require great attention, so a decent nights sleep and brownies, and exercise made the world a better place!

.....

I have no idea what to title this post.
Normally I don't like to complain.
I'm having a hard time right now.
I'm exhausted. I'm tired. Croix has been teething for quite a while. My perfect angel child who would go to bed at 8 and sleep till 7 is gone. I'm back to waking up multiple times a night. Sleep deprivation does bad things to me, kind of makes me an awful person! Mainly I get furious. I've been fuming mad at Brent over and over for days. Last night I thought I was going to blow my top! I do a good job of realizing that most of the anger is sleep (or lack there of) related and try and bite my tongue. But I'm realizing I'm resentful. I'm resentful of his schooling. We had a plan when we got married. He had 2 years of school left, we wanted a bit of time just the two of us before having a baby. So we decided to wait 2 years. Well add in infertility and little Croix came just before our 4th ann. Brent is in school. I encouraged/nagged for years for him to go back and finish. He finally did, about the exact time we found out we were pregnant. I understand life happens. I understand things aren't meant to be perfect. I don't blame Brent (entirely) but I find myself being a little resentful lately as I feel like a single parent with him gone to work and class all the time and when he is here, he's not really here, he's doing home work. :-p So I'm resentful. I'll get over it. Oh and I love Brent dearly and think he does a great job! He is amazing and I love him. Having a baby forces you to remind yourself of that...often! It's worth reminding myself of, because it's so true.

Croix's teething has messed everything up. He used to sleep and eat great. Now both of those are messed up. As I mentioned night time sleeping is a mess. Naps have also become a catastrophic mess. I had a great schedule of eat, awake, sleep. It worked great for us. As sleeping became a challenge I tried to stick to that. When he would decide to skip a nap, I'd feed him rice cereal rather then nursing him. Well guess what that has made me make less milk. Now he's hungry and grumpy AND not sleeping. I don't know what to do. I'm trying new things. Trying to get him on a good nap schedule. Trying to figure this out. That's what you do right, push through it and figure it out!

On the up side, Croix can now sit up on his own. He is no longer content laying down. Sitting is a must. He has discovered his tongue and raspberries, hilarious and adorable! Although I was completely unprepared the first time he did that while he was eating rice cereal and I busted up laughing. I think he's going to be a funny guy because he now knows this makes me laugh and will do it every time I feed him. He'll do it, watch me, smile, then I have to turn away to hide my smile and turn back and sternly tell him NO! Love that kid. Also belly laughs are coming around more often. (there is a video of this at the end) They make the world a better place, and this tired, irritable Mom happy!

I love Croix! I love Brent! It's flying by too fast. Croix will be 6 mo. next week! Someday, I will miss this. Right now I try and cherish it, in between unjustified bouts of furry :D




I just get lost in those eyes!

Oh isn't he just the cutest!!

Again with the eyes! Killing me kid! LOVE THEM!



What a cute little trike!

Enjoying some time with Aunt Crystal



This makes me laugh, what a funny face.


We mostly just hang around.

He's really starting to enjoy his doggies! He'll watch them run around and play.

Holiday Cheer

I was just reflecting about the holidays this year, well I guess '09. I realized I was so excited for the holidays. I was excited to spend time with family. I was excited for the food. I was excited to start establishing holiday traditions with our son. I was excited for Croix's first Christmas. I was contemplating how truly excited and happy I was for the holidays this year and remembering last year. Let’s just say the difference is HUGE!
Last year, especially Christmas was so hard for me. It seems like Christmas really is for the kids! I know really it's a time to remember and celebrate the birth of our Savior, but the celebrations, the traditions, so many of them are centered on children. Since we were two years into trying to conceive and had already had two failed fertility treatments, not to mention the years of fertility drugs, I was not in the full Christmas spirit. The thought of Christmas actually just depressed me. Last year was very difficult. I put off putting up a tree to the point I decided it was just too late. That's right we didn't even put up a Christmas tree. I didn't decorate. The most Christmas cheer I had was listening to some Christmas cd's. I did focus my attention on remembering my Savior. I pondered the miracle of his birth. Applied the atonement to my breaking heart and tried to have a good time anywhere we went! At that point I felt like a little bit of myself died every month with every negative pregnancy test. But December was exceptionally hard. On the 1th our family was lucky enough to welcome a new cousin. I was unlucky enough to get a negative pregnancy test the same morning. My cousins came to stay with Brent and I while their new brother was being born. So I got a negative test and then went to the labor and delivery and visited a brand new baby. I thought I'd be ok. I pumped myself up for it. I told myself I could cry when I got home so just be strong. I did just fine and think I would have been ok had it not been for the kind and gentle perception of my uncle who looked into my eyes and asked, "and how are you doing being here?” I broke down and sobbed in the hall ways of labor and delivery. I cried on his shoulder. Then pulled myself together and went and welcomed my new cousin into our family. It was hard on Christmas to watch two nephews enjoy Christmas. Their Moms had both been pregnant when I wanted to be. Their little boys were one year old and enjoying Christmas traditions. So they had been pregnant, had their babies, then their babies had celebrated their first birthday, all while I wanted so desperately to be pregnant. It was rough. New Years Eve was no better. We had plans to go to a party some friends were throwing. Then the day crashed and then burned. I had a serious blow out with a family member that left me hurt for quite some time. (Families can be complicated, the important thing is that we remember how much we love each other and do our best to show that love) It was almost overwhelming while I was in the midst of such a hard time. I came home from that disaster and got a call from my sister in law. She was pregnant. Again I thought I could hold it together as I cheerfully asked her when she was due, how she was feeling, etc. Then as she with gentle kindness said, we are all just hoping and praying it happens for you guys soon. The tears just flowed. They did not stop for over an hour. I just laid on the floor and wept. My heart was breaking. I cried so hard I could barely breathe. It was as though the whole two years of pain just came rushing over me. Despite every attempt to find hope, I felt hopeless in that moment. I felt alone. I felt terrified it would never happen. I prayed to just make it through the next minute. My sweet husband came home and did his best to comfort his inconsolable wife. Needless to say, we did not go to the party. Last year there was no holiday cheer. I focused hard to enjoy the reason for the season, our Savior, a fresh start, but that was as much as I could give. This year there was cheer galore.....I decorated, I sang Christmas carols, I attended Christmas parties, I even decorated my dogs.


As I reflect I am overcome with gratitude for my many blessings. First a loving Savior who carried me through many dark moments, second as husband who is as perfect as they come (which is not perfect, but perfect for me) third my miracle son who brings me joy beyond my greatest expectations. I glad to have been able to ponder. I glad we have memories of pain, the pain makes us stronger, the memory helps us be grateful! That is where I am, grateful! Oh so very grateful!