Tuesday, February 16, 2010


I have no idea what to title this post.
Normally I don't like to complain.
I'm having a hard time right now.
I'm exhausted. I'm tired. Croix has been teething for quite a while. My perfect angel child who would go to bed at 8 and sleep till 7 is gone. I'm back to waking up multiple times a night. Sleep deprivation does bad things to me, kind of makes me an awful person! Mainly I get furious. I've been fuming mad at Brent over and over for days. Last night I thought I was going to blow my top! I do a good job of realizing that most of the anger is sleep (or lack there of) related and try and bite my tongue. But I'm realizing I'm resentful. I'm resentful of his schooling. We had a plan when we got married. He had 2 years of school left, we wanted a bit of time just the two of us before having a baby. So we decided to wait 2 years. Well add in infertility and little Croix came just before our 4th ann. Brent is in school. I encouraged/nagged for years for him to go back and finish. He finally did, about the exact time we found out we were pregnant. I understand life happens. I understand things aren't meant to be perfect. I don't blame Brent (entirely) but I find myself being a little resentful lately as I feel like a single parent with him gone to work and class all the time and when he is here, he's not really here, he's doing home work. :-p So I'm resentful. I'll get over it. Oh and I love Brent dearly and think he does a great job! He is amazing and I love him. Having a baby forces you to remind yourself of that...often! It's worth reminding myself of, because it's so true.

Croix's teething has messed everything up. He used to sleep and eat great. Now both of those are messed up. As I mentioned night time sleeping is a mess. Naps have also become a catastrophic mess. I had a great schedule of eat, awake, sleep. It worked great for us. As sleeping became a challenge I tried to stick to that. When he would decide to skip a nap, I'd feed him rice cereal rather then nursing him. Well guess what that has made me make less milk. Now he's hungry and grumpy AND not sleeping. I don't know what to do. I'm trying new things. Trying to get him on a good nap schedule. Trying to figure this out. That's what you do right, push through it and figure it out!

On the up side, Croix can now sit up on his own. He is no longer content laying down. Sitting is a must. He has discovered his tongue and raspberries, hilarious and adorable! Although I was completely unprepared the first time he did that while he was eating rice cereal and I busted up laughing. I think he's going to be a funny guy because he now knows this makes me laugh and will do it every time I feed him. He'll do it, watch me, smile, then I have to turn away to hide my smile and turn back and sternly tell him NO! Love that kid. Also belly laughs are coming around more often. (there is a video of this at the end) They make the world a better place, and this tired, irritable Mom happy!

I love Croix! I love Brent! It's flying by too fast. Croix will be 6 mo. next week! Someday, I will miss this. Right now I try and cherish it, in between unjustified bouts of furry :D

I just get lost in those eyes!

Oh isn't he just the cutest!!

Again with the eyes! Killing me kid! LOVE THEM!

What a cute little trike!

Enjoying some time with Aunt Crystal

This makes me laugh, what a funny face.

We mostly just hang around.

He's really starting to enjoy his doggies! He'll watch them run around and play.


Heather said...

Such a cute little boy! I am sorry life is rough going right now Terina. I got your message and I hope I can help! We haven't hit the teething yet and heck, I have yet to taste sleeping through the night but I am right there with you on being a grumpy sleep deprived mommy on ocassion.

I can't believe he is 6 months old already, stop growing! Sheesh, my own are 5 months and I think the hard things just change, there will always be something hard. Talk soon friend! Hug!

Erin L said...

When Ana was about 4 months old Dave was going to school and working almost full time and I was home by myself in Rexburg in the winter without a car. It was hard. I was depressed. I was lonely. Its hard to have all day with just a little baby for company. Hang in there! Everything will be okay.

Kendra said...

I know how you feel. Crue did great with teething - you wouldn't know until the tooth was there for you to see. Cooper however, is struggling through his. We have to try tylenol, ibuprofen, orajel (he hates that stuff), and then sometimes formula because me nursing him doesn't get him back to sleep. It's frustrating but there isn't much you can do, that I know of anyway. You just have to tough it out. Try rubbing fairly hard on his gums to help his teeth come in, even if it hurts him. When you start to get frustrated about Brent being gone all the time (mentally and physically) just remember this is only a short amount of time in your life and it will be worth it. In ten years you'll be so glad he finished school while you only had one kid and while he was a baby, instead of when you have more kids and they're older (and especially when they won't understand why dad can't play with them or why he's gone all the time instead of now when he doesn't even notice). It's rough but just try to stay positive and know that everything will be ok. Good luck with everything! I'll be praying for you.

KJ said...

He is gorgeous! Hey I am free in the middle of the day and I would be happy to play with your cutie and let you sleep the afternoon away. Let me know anytime because I get baby hungry sometimes with all mine in school and a good fix is always welcome. :)

Kalena and Justin said...

He is growing up so fast!!! What a cute little man you and Brent made together. So when is baby number two on the way? LOL just kidding see life isnt so hard if you thing you could be prego again through all of these sleepless nights. And he will get through this and so will you!