Scratch That

When we had our consultation with Dr. Moffitt he had recommended that I gain 10 pounds, and that we could do that and wait a few months, just keep trying on our own and see if that helped.  I of course did not want to wait.  I had a plan, and was already 3 months behind!  Brent wanted to wait, thinking that Dr. Moffitt had recommended that so we should try that first.  So we took the matter to the Lord in prayer.  I know I’m not a very patient person, I know the Lord has a plan, I know that personal revelation  is real, so I knew that I could receive an answer to my prayers.  But I was worried that since I wanted so badly to go ahead I wouldn’t be able to decipher my desires from the spirit, and the Lord’s will.  So not only did I pray that we would know if we should  wait a few months to start treatments, or start the next month, I prayed that I would clearly know the Lords will.  Elder David A. Bednar came to our stake conference.  I knew that as I listened to an apostle of the Lord I could hear the Lord’s will for me.  As I was praying, in preparation for stake conference a thought came to me, if there was a talk about patience, enduring to the end, etc then that would be my answer to wait.  If there was a talk about going forward with faith, courage, etc that would be my answer to start right away.  I also knew that there are so many gospel principles that could be address during conference and neither of those topics had to be addressed.  With that in mind I knew if neither topic was discussed then I would have to rely upon the gentle whisperings of the spirit.

As I sat in conference I heard Elder Jose L. Alonso, of the 70 read D & C 58:27-28 and taught about how we are to act and not be acted upon.  How we are to do good before we are pushed to do so.  Then I heard Elder Bednar say that we are to act in faith and then we will receive blessings.  That we must have faith to act and then power, blessings will follow.  I had my answer, from two servants of the Lord!  There was no doubt what we should do.  I was so excited and thought finally I don’t have to keep waiting!  I can move forward.

Today I learned the reason our answer was just to start and not wait.  It wasn't so I wouldn't have to wait, it was so I could start my waiting a little be sooner.  I went in for a baseline ultrasound this morning before starting fertility medications.  This is to check the uterus, ovaries, count egg follicles, etc.  They found a cyst on my right ovary.  It’s big enough they do not want to start treatments yet, as it might cause complications.  This means I start another medication to try and shrink the cyst.  Take this for 30 days.  Then we will check and see if it’s still there.  If it is, I take it another 30 days, and then another check.  If it’s still there at that point we’ll look at possible surgery to remove it.  The Dr. did seem optimistic that it will shrink and go away.  So I’m not too concerned about it.  I am disappointed.  The medication to help shrink the cyst is like birth control, which means no chance of getting pregnant this month, which means another month of waiting.

Remember our Plan?  Well scratch that. Never mind.  Apparently every time I think I have things figured out the Lord reminds me He is in charge.  I learn to be a little more patient and a little more humble.  I think this is my great lesson to learn in life, patience, trust in the Lord, and faith in His plan for me.  I am also thankful that we didn't wait 3 months to go in and find this and then have to wait even longer!  So for now I pray this stupid cyst shrinks, and that we can start fertility medication next month!  Hopefully we will get pregnant soon and it won't take months and months and months of being on medications to get pregnant.  In the meantime  I'll just enjoy this time of just Croix and I.  I know it's not going to last forever, there will be another little one here someday and I'm sure I'll then miss this time of just us.

PS as I was driving out of the parking lot there was a song playing on the radio that kept saying "it's okay, it's okay that's right it's okay"  Yep it's ok :D