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Friday

I wrote this on Friday, it's now Sunday.  After two days of sleeping in, getting good naps, and having Brent here to help out I'm feeling good again.  Now to start the week all over again.  Hopefully I won't be feeling quite so overwhelmed again by next Friday!

It's Friday which means I'm exhausted and weepy and about to fall apart. Why does Friday mean this? Because its been five days since I've gotten a nap by Friday. A week of newborn sleep and no rest in between and I'm a mess. Although this week has been better, two nights this week I got to sleep for five solid hours. And one day I even got a nap.
I feel so overwhelmed. And the fact that I feel so overwhelmed with just two kids makes me feel like a big baby. People do this (have 2 kids, or more) all the time and they seem just fine. I on the other hand am barely keeping my head above water. I feel like feeding, changing, burping, soothing and comforting Maizy is a full time job. Meaning it is enough to keep me busy and exhausted. That leaves hardly any time for Croix. I feel like I've not only abandoned him but that he's also lot his old Mom. In her place I've become this mean Mom who yells all the time. I have no patience for him. I honesty cannot say if his behavior has gotten worse because of the adjustment or if I'm just so tired that he seems so much worse. I feel like all I do is yell (that's right yell) at him or put him in time out or threaten him with spankings which he still doesn't listen to so then he gets a spanking and I don't even like to spank. That's not the kind of Mom I want to be. So then I spent most of my day feeling like a horrible mother and a bad person because I'm so awful to my child. I feel even more like crap when he still wants to come and snuggle me, tells me he loves me, or is just his sweet self. Then I just think poor Croix deserves so much better than this. And I feel guilty for being so awful.
I feel like having two kids, one being a newborn with food allergies who is fussy and demands so much the other a naughty toddler who demands so much, means I can't enjoy either of them the way I want to. I remember enjoying Croix so much more then I have Maizy. And I spend so much time frustrated with Croix there's none left for enjoying his sweet self. Instead I'm just in zombie survival mode trying to just make it through the day.
I know this won't last forever. I know Maizy's tummy will heal and she won't be as fussy. I know I will get sleep again. I hope Croix won't remember when his mommy was so awful. I know eventually Maizy won't need to eat so often and I'll have a little more time for other things.  I just wish I could remember this when I'm so tired and frustrated.

Octopus Spaghetti

I got this idea from a friend on Facebook,  bet you thought I was going to say Pinterest. Well she got the idea off Pinterest so you wouldn't have been far off.

You put spaghetti through sausage. Too cute. Pretty easy. And it was good for Croix's fine motor skills! Pretty tasty too, although I will admit the pasta in the middle of the sausage was still just a touch under cooked.

Snugging

Croix was holding Maizy and just beaming. So in love. He says "I snugging her". And who could resist snuggling this little lovely

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One Month Check-up

Maizy had her one month check up last week. She weighed in at 7.13 and 21 inches. Up two pounds and two inches. She's still in the 10th percent for her weight and 75th for her height. While we were there the pediatrician decided to check her stool for blood to see if she has a food allergy since she has been so fussy. She came back in and said Maizy tested strongly for an allergy. Which means I get to cut out dairy, casein, and whey from my diet.

I've been five days with out dairy. So far not so hard. Sprouts has lots of alternative non dairy options. The hard part is not the dairy but the casein and whey. They are in all sorts of surprising things. I'm now taking a lot longer at the grocery store since I have to read every label. But it is so worth it. Maizy is already less fussy and sleeping better. And the best part is I hear her pain cry so much less! It can take up to 10 days for the dairy to get out of my system and 3-4 weeks for her intestines to heal. So we can continue to see symptoms until then. I'm really hoping that cutting dairy does the trick. If not next step is to cut out soy which is in everything! Fingers crossed.

Best Day!

I bribed Croix today. I told him if he was really good and didn't have to go to time out or get a spanking all day he could have a popsicle. I didn't think there was any way he would be able to do it. He did great all morning. He listened, and when he started being a little naughty I just mentioned the popsicle and he immediately listened! We went to a friends and played. Its so good for both of us to get out of the house. Then he took a nap!!! The first one in at least a week, probably longer. Best part Maizy slept at the same time so I GOT A NAP!! First time that's happened during the week and not on the weekend in like a month! We all slept the afternoon away. Oh it was heaven! I woke up and wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep. I wasn't sure if I heard him or not, the joy of shared walls. I heard thumping but our neighbors little kid is in the room that shares a wall with our bedroom. So I hear thumping from both sides. Anyway I was feeling guilty thinking he was awake and had been in there for hours while I was sleeping. I went in and there he was sleeping so peaceful. I went back to bed and went back to sleep! He and Maizy woke up at the same time. I nursed Maizy and Croix and I read stories. Brent came home and fixed dinner. After dinner Croix and I went in the back yard and he enjoyed his well earned popsicle! I told him to put on shoes and take off his shirt. He decided to take everything off. So he was out there in nothing but his shoes. We sat out on the patio and talked and laughed. When he was done I rinsed him off with the garden watering can, because that's how I roll. Then I took him up and gave him a bath, which we both enjoyed. It was such a prefect day!
Oh its been so long since we've had such a great day!

July Fourth

It has been years since Brent and i have gone to watch fireworks. It's always been too hot, I've been too pregnant,  Croixs been too little, it was during the week so Brent would be up too late etc. But this year we figured Croix was old enough to stay up that late, it miraculously was cool, with a newborn we weren't going to sleep early anyway so lets go see fireworks! I only had one stipulation,  Croix had to take a nap. I could deal with sleep deprived Croix from being up late but not so sleep deprived from no nap AND staying up late on top of bad sleep myself from caring for a newborn.  We showed Croix YouTube videos to get him all excited and help encourage him to take a nap. We went to the park just before nap time so he could get out some energy,  but alas he did not nap. So we put him to bed early. I felt bad, and sad, I was looking forward to fireworks. Then Maizy was up half the night and Croix was up at 6:30 and I was SO thankful we had not stayed out late! Maybe someday when we don't have small children that require naps we'll go see fireworks again.

First Sunday

Maizy had her first Sunday at church two weeks ago.  It was so nice to go back to church!  I need that!  I went to Relief Society for the first time in years.  It was delightful!  Although I found my self having a short attention span!  Maybe because I had this adorable little girl to distract me!

Missed out on getting Croix in any pictures because he was already down for a nap.

Meeting Family

My Mom and Sister and nephew came for a long weekend.  It was so nice to have Grandma here to help with Croix and meals.  It was nice to have my nephew here to help Croix not be so bored.

Then my sisters and nephew Jon came to meet Maizy.  They took Croix to the summer movie so I could get a nap (Maizy had other ideas and was eating and then fussy the whole time, but eh it's the thought)

 Isn't my nephew adorable!!!

Then my brother and nephew Seth stopped by for an afternoon to meet Maizy.  Croix was thrilled to have Seth back visiting again!

Lets Play With Razors

We were having a play date at some friends. She has twins Croix's age and a 9 month old. Croix loves to play at their house and I love hanging out with my friend! Anyway we were there the kids were playing great. My friend went to nurse here babe. The kids went into her room and for some reason in my half asleep zombie mode I didn't go chase them out and reports that they were playing with a razor in the shower! All children seemed to be unscathed though.  When my friend came out she retrieved them and they started playing again. Then my friend says Terina Croix's bleeding. We take him to the bathroom and wash his face because the blood is kind of smeared all over and I can't figure out where it's coming from. Sure enough he had cut himself on his forehead and lip. I'm still baffled how/why he didn't cry or say anything about being cut! As we put a band aid on I thought, dang it! Here Croix has a boo boo that's bleeding and I don't have any of his cool band aids! We put them on him later and he loved them! As we finished cleaning up Croix and the blood my friend says "come on over to my house, we'll play with razors! Bahaha. She cracks me up!

I didn't get a picture of Croix with his cool band aids so here's a cute video where he's wearing one.