Joy

I was thinking yesterday sitting at church about how quickly things can change. Specifically my heart. After two years trying to get pregnant there were a few things that no matter how mentally prepared I was, were always a little difficult. Baby showers, seeing beautiful babies at church in the row in front of me, baby blessings, beautiful pregnant women. Some days these things were harder then others but they always produced a twinge of longing and a sense of emptiness, a void, a desire that had yet to be filled. Now here I am 8 1/2 months pregnant and it hit me yesterday how things have changed! There was a baby blessing and I was so excited! Excited for this sweet family (who by the way I didn't even know), excited for our little one to be blessed not to long from now. I see little ones adorably waving to us and can't wait! I can't wait for my little one to be the cute distraction during church! Baby showers are so fun now! I can actually participate in the conversations! I also I'm now one of the beautiful pregnant women. (Just so we are clear on this I think all pregnant women are beautiful!!) I was thinking about all the tears that were shed in the years of longing. The pain that was so consuming as we tried and tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant! It was such a hard and painful trial to endure. It seemed like so long! Every month seemed forever! Now looking back it seems so irrelevant! Well not irrelevant but so insignificant? I don't even know the right word to use here. All of that doesn't even matter any more! That's just what it took to get pregnant. All the pain, and sadness is gone. It reminded me a lot of repentance. It's not as though the experiences we had to get here have disappeared but they have been swallowed up by joy. This is just how repentance is. All the pain of sin is swallowed up by repentance, taken away by the Savior. You still remember the experience, it has left an imprint on your soul and who you are but is replaced by joy! I think the pain can help you appreciate the joy even more. It makes me very grateful for the atonement! That I can have forgiveness of my sins, that my pain and disappointment can be taken away and that ultimately through an act and power I doubt I'll ever fully understand I can find an all consuming joy! Also knowing that even if I never got pregnant, through the atonement I could still find, peace, healing, and joy!