When we went to see the GI Specialist back in August he said Maizy has reflux but since it didn't seem to be causing her pain, and she was still eating well and gaining weight well he didn't want to prescribe anything for it. Over the past week or so it has gotten worse. She is spitting up more often and more volume when she does. She has also started having a hard time while nursing. She is on and off and on and off and on and off the breast, crying fussing, arching her back, clearly miserable. She's not the only one. Often the only way I can get her to nurse is standing up with her straight up and down paralleling my body. I hold onto her little bum sway back and forth and try and get her to latch on. It's a circus for sure. It's uncomfortable for me, and difficult, but the only way that Maizy will nurse for any length of time. All weekend she was doing this, and Monday was even worse. It was a struggle almost every feeding to get her to eat.
We are also still dealing with thrush, 6 weeks later. At first I
thought all of her fussiness at the breast was being caused by the thrush, but
as I watched closer and noticed the back arching (they do this to lengthen the
esophagus to try and find some relief) I thought maybe it wasn't the (only)
cause. I am still having symptoms from it and sick of thrush!
Maizy is still nursing every 2-3 hours during the day, typically 2 1/2
hours. She is only going 3 hours between feedings at night. I'm
typically up feeding until 10ish and then up at 12, 3, and 6 where half the
time I'm just up for the day. I'm not sure the last time I slept in
stretches longer then 2 1/2 hrs. I really think this is at least in part caused
by the reflux. She'll wake up and still
seem tired, but can't go back to sleep.
She doesn't seem eager to nurse.
I think she's waking up because she's hurting. I'm tired all the
time and have a headache almost constantly to remind me of my
Also in researching her symptoms and causes of them it seems like I have
over active let down. Often she'll pull
away when my milk lets down gagging and choking all the while my milk is
spraying all over both of us. Thankfully
I was able to find some good tips on managing this. But just one more thing to make breastfeeding
Monday when Brent got home I told him I was so ready to just be done with
breast feeding. It's just too much, too hard. I felt like I was on
the verge of tears all night as I thought about how complicated something as
simple as feeding my baby has become. That night I nursed Maizy to sleep
after an exhausting day and laid her down and collapsed into my bed. The
sweet baby that was asleep started fussing. I pulled myself out of bed
and pat her back trying to ease her back to sleep. It was not working.
I was all the sudden just too overwhelmed to even care. I went into the
bathroom and tried to ignore my now screaming baby. I brushed my teeth
and started getting ready for bed. Brent came up and asked if I was just
going to let her cry it out? I told him I didn't care, I just didn't even
care. He tried patting her back and I ended up saying just take her down
stairs. When they left the room and I finally made it to bed I just broke
down and sobbed. Not just crying, the kind of sobbing that shakes your
whole body and you gasp for air. I thought If I'm sobbing over breast
feeding does that mean it's time to call it quits? I finally cried myself
out and fell asleep.
The next morning I gave it some serious thought, is it time to call it
quits? I feel like to quit now would be such a injustice to us!
We're so close to testing Maizy to see if the diet is working for her
allergies. Next week! She started a new med for her thrush which seems
to be working a lot better. I've upped the dosage for myself and I'm
hoping that will help soon. We went the pediatrician and got a Rx for the
reflux which after one day started to help. Less fussing during feedings
and less spiting up. And honestly that good cry helped. I think I
just had so much stress and pressure built up and needed to get it out.
So now the plan is just to keep on until next week and see how Maizy's
little tummy is doing. If it is doing better then we'll add something
back. If she's not doing any better we'll just switch to formula. That is
a lot less sad to say now then it was 6 weeks ago. Sure it will still be
sad, but not nearly as sad after being on this diet for 6 weeks. Either
way life is getting at least a little easier next week.
I started out 6 weeks ago down the road to treat thrush and be on this diet
and continue breast feeding thinking I was being super Mom. Now I just
feel a little crazy. But I'll continue on in the craziness for at least
another week and then we will go from there. I have contacted our
insurance to see if we can get the formula covered. Even if we continue
breastfeeding for a while longer I don't know that I'll be making it to a year
like I did with Croix. It will also help
in decision making to know if insurance will cover it. In the mean time I'm just thankful to be seeing
an improvement in the thrush and reflux!