Friday, September 24, 2010

Update

Last weekend I did pretty well.  Felt better.  Not quite me but better.  Sunday, especially at church was good.  Then Sunday even I just started to feel myself fall into a slump.  Monday was bad.  Tuesday was even worse.  I cried Monday night and then again Tuesday morning.  There was no reason.  I just felt overwhelmingly sad and like I needed to cry.  I have not really let myself cry despite feeling like I've been on the verge of tears so often.  My eyes would be teary and I'd tell myself to stop it.  There's nothing wrong, no reason to cry.  But I finally let myself cry.  It didn't really feel like it helped that much.  Maybe it did thought.  I asked Brent for a blessing Tuesday night.  I prayed so very hard before hand.  I needed guidance, comfort, peace.  That's mostly what I prayed for, peace.  That is exactly what I got.  I got answers, I received comfort, I felt the love of my Heavenly Father.  I've felt much better since then.  I've been working hard on my action plan.  Getting out of the house, exercising, praying, reading the scriptures.  At the same time I've been very forgiving when I don't get as much accomplished as I want to.  I'm not getting down on myself, that is good!  So here it is Friday, three good days in a row!  I'm hopeful this is going to be the new trend.  I found myself saying "I don't know" a lot, about a lot of different things.  I came to the conclusion I don't know much right now but I do know:

The Lord loves me.
Brent Loves me.
I will be ok!

I did learn that it IS normal to experience depression following weaning.  Just google, depression weaning.  Page after page will come up.  The good news is from what I read it normally doesn't last too long.  Also  exercise is always helpful with depression.  I know I'm taking the right steps to take care of myself.  I also realized I think I had a bit of shut in syndrome (thanks Erin for the term).  No wonder I was depressed, I wasn't leaving the house!  That will do it to anyone!  Sheesh!
Well Croix is up from his nap and calling for me (crying) better run and snuggle him!

3 comments:

Artsy Aut said...

YAY! Hang in there.

Alan and Abby said...

Did you get to listen to the Relief Society broadcast on Saturday? It was so great! If not, look it up and read it. You won't be disappointed.

The Sagendorfs said...

Oh Terina, how I feel your pain!! I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I felt so completely consumed by hopelessness and heartache for a year after I had Axton (hopefully I don't have to go through that again with this one), but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers - hang in there!!