I have lots I need to post about, vacation, sickness, Croix's cuteness. But I'm going to start with what is overwhelming me right now, the terrified feeling I have.
When Croix turned 2 we moved him to a toddler bed, thinking it would help with potty training. It did not work, or help. In fact it led us to a downward spiral of no sleep. You might remember reading about it here. We put him back in a crib and it almost immediately it fixed him. With a baby coming I've been scared to even think about taking him out of the crib so she can have it. I figured we'd wait as long as we could to try switching him again. Or maybe even buy another crib!
While we were on vacation Croix climbed out of the pack and play. I guess when we got home he figured out he can do the same thing with his crib. The first time he climbed out my heart sunk. It felt like the beginning of the end. At first it was just at nap time. The he started climbing out in the morning. We talked about it and figured if he can climb out of his crib, it's not much different then a toddler bed. Everything I've read about helping an older sibling adjust to a new baby says if they are still in a crib transition them before the baby comes so it's a separate event then the baby, and it doesn't feel like the baby is stealing their bed. So really now is the time. Despite being so scared to even try I told myself that he is older. He understands things better. He knows his numbers so we put a clock in his room and reminded him he doesn't get up until 7. We can reason with him. It will go much better this time. Two days in and it has not.
It is 6:15 AM. He's been awake for 30 minutes. I went in showed him his alarm clock that said 5, not 7 and said it's still night time Croix, you need to go back to sleep. He has not. Yesterday he did not really take a nap. He's still tired from vacation and woke up too early yesterday too, so after hours of putting him back in bed he finally cried himself into exhausted sleep next to his door. He didn't even sleep an hour. I am literally on the verge of a panic attack here. All I can think is in a matter of weeks I'm going to have a new baby that is going to eat every 2 hours, and I'm not going to get any sleep at night. Croix's going to wake up at 5 in the morning, not take naps. I'm not going to get any sleep, Croix's not going to get enough sleep and will be grumpy and exhausted too, and I am going to die. And if death is not so kind as to take me in such a situation, surly depression, anxiety, exhaustion will overtake me. I can't do that. I KNOW I can't do that. I'm so terrified. I was worried about sleep with a toddler and a baby before this problem even presented it's self. To say I'm terrified is not an exaggeration..
We still have a little time. I'm praying my hardest we can teach him how to sleep in a big boy bed before the baby comes. Another miracle might be the only solution.