Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Exactly What I Wanted

Our mornings have been quite frustrating lately. All of the sudden Croix won't eat his breakfast. I feel like I spend half the morning trying to get him to eat and then just end up feeding him. He'll eat just fine if I'm spooning the food into his mouth. It is beyond frustrating because he is perfectly capable.

I've also been trying so had to help Croix learn how to dress himself. He CAN do it but out right refuses. I really want him doing this before baby comes and the fact that he won't even try is again beyond frustrating.

He is also in this phase where he just doesn't seem to listen to anything I say. I find myself saying over and over day after day "you need to listen".  I will tell him to stop or not to do something and he just keeps on like he doesn't even hear me. It is beyond frustrating!

The other morning (the Monday after he went camping, and was tired) he wouldn't eat. I told him if he didn't eat his breakfast he wasn't getting anything until lunch time and we had places to go and he would be hungry. (This has become another oft repeated phrase/conciquence. ) He didn't eat, we went out and about on our morning activities. He of course was grumpy from being hungry, I took the opportunity to remind him this is why we eat breakfast. (I always do and yet he still doesn't eat breakfast) We got home, I started making lunch early. As soon as we got home Croix ran in and went potty. He came out half naked. Croix, as always wanted to help make lunch. I told him I'd love for him to help once he put his underwear and shorts on. I stalled way too long to give him time. He didn' t put them on. So he didn't help make lunch. He's still hungry. I tell him I'd love to have him eat lunch with me after he put his underwear and shorts on. He still didn't put them on. So I ate lunch while he cried. I told him he better hurry up and eat because if he hadn't eaten by nap time he would just have to wait until after nap. I was praying and praying he would just put them on because he was so stinking tired he NEEDED a good long nap, which I knew he wouldn't take if he was hungry and tired. Finally after close to 45 min of him crying he finally put them on, ate lunch, and took an almost 4 hr nap. Dang kid was exhausted!

In the midst of this struggle I had to keep reminding myself. This is not a power struggle. It doesn't matter what he chooses to do, I've laid out consequences I just need to be patient and follow through. And remember that screaming "just put your (deleted mental expletive here) shorts on" will not help at all. Only make both of us more upset.

After Croix was finally down for a nap I thought about how to varying degrees everyday is like this. Everyday is frustrating and requires large amounts of patience. And then I thought "this is exactly what I wanted in life". Not in a blissful serene my life is perfect and everything I'd ever hoped for way. In a wow THIS is exactly what I wanted in life?

My life is so good and blessed. I have a husband who is perfect for me. We have a wonderful strong relationship. I love him beyond words and know he feels the same way. I have a son who is amazing. And being his Mom brings me more joy then I have ever known. I am pregnant with a little girl. Brent is able to provided well for us so I can stay home with my child(ren). Yes this is what I dreamed of having. Yet it is daily so hard and frustrating. I didn't realize how hard it would be.

It reminds me of one of the talks given in the most recent General Conference. The speaker said to be thankful if you were blessed with a challenging child because it would provided you with even greater opperrunities to learn and grow. Croix is certainly not a challenging child. Generally his is very well behaved. And thank goodness!  Clearly I am learning and growing tremendously with his sweet natured self. As I think of this I try and be thankful for the frustration and challenges that come with Motherhood as I know they are helping me learn and grow in ways that only Motherhood could. I'm also pouring out prayers to help me be kind, help me to be gentle, help me to know what I can do to be the best Mother possible to this precious child who I love so dearly.

My life is exactly what I wanted. And I do love my life even the difficult parts because they are refining me and helping me to be more Christ like.

1 comment:

Morgan said...

I could insert "Emily" in place of Croix's name, and every single word you wrote is my life as well. Even down to the last paragraph. THIS is what I want in life. It is the life I dreamed about, and sometimes I pinch myself because I can't believe am so blessed....but man, it can be challenging.