Friday

I wrote this on Friday, it's now Sunday.  After two days of sleeping in, getting good naps, and having Brent here to help out I'm feeling good again.  Now to start the week all over again.  Hopefully I won't be feeling quite so overwhelmed again by next Friday!

It's Friday which means I'm exhausted and weepy and about to fall apart. Why does Friday mean this? Because its been five days since I've gotten a nap by Friday. A week of newborn sleep and no rest in between and I'm a mess. Although this week has been better, two nights this week I got to sleep for five solid hours. And one day I even got a nap.
I feel so overwhelmed. And the fact that I feel so overwhelmed with just two kids makes me feel like a big baby. People do this (have 2 kids, or more) all the time and they seem just fine. I on the other hand am barely keeping my head above water. I feel like feeding, changing, burping, soothing and comforting Maizy is a full time job. Meaning it is enough to keep me busy and exhausted. That leaves hardly any time for Croix. I feel like I've not only abandoned him but that he's also lot his old Mom. In her place I've become this mean Mom who yells all the time. I have no patience for him. I honesty cannot say if his behavior has gotten worse because of the adjustment or if I'm just so tired that he seems so much worse. I feel like all I do is yell (that's right yell) at him or put him in time out or threaten him with spankings which he still doesn't listen to so then he gets a spanking and I don't even like to spank. That's not the kind of Mom I want to be. So then I spent most of my day feeling like a horrible mother and a bad person because I'm so awful to my child. I feel even more like crap when he still wants to come and snuggle me, tells me he loves me, or is just his sweet self. Then I just think poor Croix deserves so much better than this. And I feel guilty for being so awful.
I feel like having two kids, one being a newborn with food allergies who is fussy and demands so much the other a naughty toddler who demands so much, means I can't enjoy either of them the way I want to. I remember enjoying Croix so much more then I have Maizy. And I spend so much time frustrated with Croix there's none left for enjoying his sweet self. Instead I'm just in zombie survival mode trying to just make it through the day.
I know this won't last forever. I know Maizy's tummy will heal and she won't be as fussy. I know I will get sleep again. I hope Croix won't remember when his mommy was so awful. I know eventually Maizy won't need to eat so often and I'll have a little more time for other things.  I just wish I could remember this when I'm so tired and frustrated.

Octopus Spaghetti

I got this idea from a friend on Facebook,  bet you thought I was going to say Pinterest. Well she got the idea off Pinterest so you wouldn't have been far off.

You put spaghetti through sausage. Too cute. Pretty easy. And it was good for Croix's fine motor skills! Pretty tasty too, although I will admit the pasta in the middle of the sausage was still just a touch under cooked.

Snugging

Croix was holding Maizy and just beaming. So in love. He says "I snugging her". And who could resist snuggling this little lovely

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One Month Check-up

Maizy had her one month check up last week. She weighed in at 7.13 and 21 inches. Up two pounds and two inches. She's still in the 10th percent for her weight and 75th for her height. While we were there the pediatrician decided to check her stool for blood to see if she has a food allergy since she has been so fussy. She came back in and said Maizy tested strongly for an allergy. Which means I get to cut out dairy, casein, and whey from my diet.

I've been five days with out dairy. So far not so hard. Sprouts has lots of alternative non dairy options. The hard part is not the dairy but the casein and whey. They are in all sorts of surprising things. I'm now taking a lot longer at the grocery store since I have to read every label. But it is so worth it. Maizy is already less fussy and sleeping better. And the best part is I hear her pain cry so much less! It can take up to 10 days for the dairy to get out of my system and 3-4 weeks for her intestines to heal. So we can continue to see symptoms until then. I'm really hoping that cutting dairy does the trick. If not next step is to cut out soy which is in everything! Fingers crossed.

Best Day!

I bribed Croix today. I told him if he was really good and didn't have to go to time out or get a spanking all day he could have a popsicle. I didn't think there was any way he would be able to do it. He did great all morning. He listened, and when he started being a little naughty I just mentioned the popsicle and he immediately listened! We went to a friends and played. Its so good for both of us to get out of the house. Then he took a nap!!! The first one in at least a week, probably longer. Best part Maizy slept at the same time so I GOT A NAP!! First time that's happened during the week and not on the weekend in like a month! We all slept the afternoon away. Oh it was heaven! I woke up and wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep. I wasn't sure if I heard him or not, the joy of shared walls. I heard thumping but our neighbors little kid is in the room that shares a wall with our bedroom. So I hear thumping from both sides. Anyway I was feeling guilty thinking he was awake and had been in there for hours while I was sleeping. I went in and there he was sleeping so peaceful. I went back to bed and went back to sleep! He and Maizy woke up at the same time. I nursed Maizy and Croix and I read stories. Brent came home and fixed dinner. After dinner Croix and I went in the back yard and he enjoyed his well earned popsicle! I told him to put on shoes and take off his shirt. He decided to take everything off. So he was out there in nothing but his shoes. We sat out on the patio and talked and laughed. When he was done I rinsed him off with the garden watering can, because that's how I roll. Then I took him up and gave him a bath, which we both enjoyed. It was such a prefect day!
Oh its been so long since we've had such a great day!

July Fourth

It has been years since Brent and i have gone to watch fireworks. It's always been too hot, I've been too pregnant,  Croixs been too little, it was during the week so Brent would be up too late etc. But this year we figured Croix was old enough to stay up that late, it miraculously was cool, with a newborn we weren't going to sleep early anyway so lets go see fireworks! I only had one stipulation,  Croix had to take a nap. I could deal with sleep deprived Croix from being up late but not so sleep deprived from no nap AND staying up late on top of bad sleep myself from caring for a newborn.  We showed Croix YouTube videos to get him all excited and help encourage him to take a nap. We went to the park just before nap time so he could get out some energy,  but alas he did not nap. So we put him to bed early. I felt bad, and sad, I was looking forward to fireworks. Then Maizy was up half the night and Croix was up at 6:30 and I was SO thankful we had not stayed out late! Maybe someday when we don't have small children that require naps we'll go see fireworks again.

First Sunday

Maizy had her first Sunday at church two weeks ago.  It was so nice to go back to church!  I need that!  I went to Relief Society for the first time in years.  It was delightful!  Although I found my self having a short attention span!  Maybe because I had this adorable little girl to distract me!

Missed out on getting Croix in any pictures because he was already down for a nap.

Meeting Family

My Mom and Sister and nephew came for a long weekend.  It was so nice to have Grandma here to help with Croix and meals.  It was nice to have my nephew here to help Croix not be so bored.

Then my sisters and nephew Jon came to meet Maizy.  They took Croix to the summer movie so I could get a nap (Maizy had other ideas and was eating and then fussy the whole time, but eh it's the thought)

 Isn't my nephew adorable!!!

Then my brother and nephew Seth stopped by for an afternoon to meet Maizy.  Croix was thrilled to have Seth back visiting again!

Lets Play With Razors

We were having a play date at some friends. She has twins Croix's age and a 9 month old. Croix loves to play at their house and I love hanging out with my friend! Anyway we were there the kids were playing great. My friend went to nurse here babe. The kids went into her room and for some reason in my half asleep zombie mode I didn't go chase them out and reports that they were playing with a razor in the shower! All children seemed to be unscathed though.  When my friend came out she retrieved them and they started playing again. Then my friend says Terina Croix's bleeding. We take him to the bathroom and wash his face because the blood is kind of smeared all over and I can't figure out where it's coming from. Sure enough he had cut himself on his forehead and lip. I'm still baffled how/why he didn't cry or say anything about being cut! As we put a band aid on I thought, dang it! Here Croix has a boo boo that's bleeding and I don't have any of his cool band aids! We put them on him later and he loved them! As we finished cleaning up Croix and the blood my friend says "come on over to my house, we'll play with razors! Bahaha. She cracks me up!

I didn't get a picture of Croix with his cool band aids so here's a cute video where he's wearing one.

Pokes

At the hospital after Maizy was born her blood sugar was low. So they had to retest her a couple times to make sure it was at a good number. Thankfully it was and there wasn't any problems with that. But I just felt bad that my poor tiny baby had to be poked so much because I had gestational diabetes and so SHE was born with low blood sugar.

Then at her newborn check up with the pediatrician they thought she looked a little jaundice more pokes. There was a student nurse. The regular nurse asked if I minded if the student did the heel prick and got the blood for the jaundice test and newborn screen. I figured it was a heel prick not too complicated shouldn't be too hard to do so I said ok. Bad decision! Apparently it's not as easy as it sounds. She didn't poke Maizy in the best spot and was having a hard time getting the blood to come out. It was taking so long and poor Maizy was just screaming. She was trying to pull blood down from her leg by squeezing her leg and pumping it. She did a lousy job getting the blood in the vile. There was blood all over.  Then just as the vile was almost full she dropped it on the floor!  Thankfully at that point the regular nurse asked the student to step out and get a wet rag to wipe up all the blood and took over. Had she not said she would take over I would have told the student myself she was done practicing on my baby! She came back in and was on the floor cleaning up my sweet baby's blood and I kind of wanted to kick her in the face (I was sitting on the exam table with Maizy so I was well positioned to do so!) I did not, I also couldn't look at her with out shooting death/hate darts at her with my eyes so I just didn't make eye contact, I also just had no reply for her when she apologized, what was I supposed to say, oh that's ok you tortured my baby?  Don't think so. Instead I said nothing, rude? Maybe but not as rude as what I felt like saying! The regular nurse had to poke Maizy again and start all over. It was so traumatic for both of us! I learned my lesson my baby is not for practicing on! My Mother I Law, Corinne was with us. She's a nurse and thus has been a student nurse. When both nurses left I said "I should have said no!" She replied how she has to learn and how she hoped this didn't traumatized the nurse. Not what I wanted to hear but it was good for me to think of how that student nurse felt, probably pretty awful too. It didn't make me feel any better but it did make me want to kick her in the face less. Thankfully the test for jaundice came back fine and she hasn't had to be poked again. Three weeks later and her poor heels are just clearing up from all the poke marks!  

Goupy

Everyone in my home was goupy. Maizy's umbilical stump fell off fairly early which can be normal, but then her belly button started bleeding.  A quick google search calmed my fears and told me this can be normal, especially when the umbilical stump falls off early. A call to the pediatrician confirmed this. Nothing to worry about just clean it with a Qtip and rubbing alcohol every morning and night. Her eye also got goupy, another call to the pediatrician determined it was a clogged tear duct, I was told to wash it with a warm wash cloth and massage it with every feeding. Goupy Maizy.

Brent had a cough that just wouldn't go away. He was coughing up all sorts of lovely flem. He finally went to the doctor and came home with antibiotics and inhaler. Goupy Brent.

Croix had a cough for about a week, it would mostly act up at night.  Then about day seven he started getting goupy eyes. (His long lucious eye lashes are awesome except when scrubbing eye goupiness out of them) Considering Brent had come home from the Dr. The day before with antibiotics and now Croix's eyes were goupy we headed in to the pediatrician where we were told he has a cold. Best part of this Croix likes to pick at and eat his eye goupies! So utterly disgusting!  Goupy Croix.

And me well I just had a baby so I still have postpartum bleeding. I am nursing and my boobs leak all.the.time! Maybe more leaky then goupy but, goupy me!

(At night when I was trying to sleep Maizy would be making all sorts of gassy newborn noises, Brent is making congested noises. Croix is coughing (which I can hear) and some how I was supposed to sleep through all of that and did!)

Indulging

I had my first outing with out the kids.(I do love being able to say kidS) It was oh so exciting, I went to the grocery store! I was craving carbs and didn't want to turn on the oven because it was already hot in my house. So as I left I said to Brent, bye I'll be back shortly with something very unhealthy for us. As I got to the store and was walking in I felt like I should have a T-shirt saying, "please excuse my appearance, I'm not normally such a scrub I just have a gassy newborn." I hadn't showered in a few days, had spit up on me, no makeup, hair was all sorts of awesome, you know the look.

Although I intended to get something naughty I did not intend to go as crazy as I did! I ended up getting a fruit tart, two eclairs, brownies, thin mints, toaster strudel, ice cream, and chips. At the check out I surveyed my loot and thought the cashier must think I'm a bulimic about to go binge and purge with all this crap! Have no fear I didn't eat it all at once, still have quite a bit of it left, and I've enjoyed every bite! On a completely unrelated not my skin has been breaking out. I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with my post gestational diabetes/nursing carb fest I've been indulging in. Rather it being caused by my  fluctuating hormones!  That's my opinion anyway!

Draft

I'll write the title of a post and maybe one sentence to remind me what to write about and save it as a draft to complete when I have more time.  Apparently I forget about them often!  I just found about 20 drafts.  So if you're wondering about the random posts, that's what they are.  I deleted almost half of them because I can't remember what I wanted to specifically blog about!  I'm sad about that!  I better be more diligent about finishing up those drafts!  (There are currently a handful of drafts still waiting for me to have time to write! HA)

Big Boy

Last weekend, three separate times someone referred to Croix as a big boy.  Not to me, in fact all three times I just over heard it.  It makes me a little sad.  He is turning into such a big boy.  I don't think there's any baby left in him at all.  Time is flying by too fast.  (3/14/11)

2010