Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Turning 30 is a big deal right? Didn't feel like such a big deal to me. In fact I kept forgetting my Birthday was even coming. On my Birthday I thought, humm maybe I should have done something special the last day in my 20's. Not that it was out of the ordinary special , but it was special. I spent the morning with Brent in our birthing class preparing for Maizy's birth. We spent the afternoon with Croix. That evening we went and captured beautiful moments for maternity pictures (can't wait to share). It was a nice day.
My actual Birthday was also simple and nice. Church, I even taught but there were only 12 kids there because of the holiday so class was much nicer. Family time with my boys and mother in law. A few phone calls from dear loved ones. And so many birthday wishes on Facebook. Yep it was nice I felt loved!
I think 30 would have felt like a bigger deal if I were wondering what I had done with my life. But I feel quite content with life and where I am. Rather then this huge day that caused some urges to go do new exciting things I've never done I felt blessed. I've done a lot in my 30 years and my life is full and good. I have no doubt the next 30 years will provided even greater joy and learning!
My baby is growing up and unafraid to tell me so. Yesterday we were taking a shower and he starts jumping. I asked him " what are you doing? " He replies "I'm trying to grow big and strong".
Then later that same day this conversation transpired
Me: Hey, baby boy what are you doing?
Croix: Mommy don't talk a me baby boy.
Croix: I a big boy.
Oh be still my heart! He's just getting so big and independent. Make it stop! Little does he know that he will always be my baby boy!
Friday, May 25, 2012
As different as this pregnancy has been from Croix's there are some things that are the same, and unfortunately too familiar. Fertility treatments, gestational diabetes, and now once again pelvic rest.
After some sexy time with my hubby I had contractions like crazy, for days. The normal warm bath didn't help. They were stronger then braxton hicks. I was concerned. So once again at my weekly check up they checked my cervix. I was worried with all the contractions I'd had I would be dilated and put on bed rest. So I was beyond happy to hear her say nothing was changed! Having been concerned about bed rest pelvic rest was happy news! (No way Brent agrees) I thought at least it's just three weeks. Last time it was 19. Then I though that again, three weeks! Holy cow that is soon. I just have three weeks to be at 37 weeks which is full term.
I've made a mental list of things that need to be done. I feel a little panicky, like there's not enough time, even though I know there is. Can we say nesting has kicked in! Time to get busy on my list to get everything ready for this little lady!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Our mornings have been quite frustrating lately. All of the sudden Croix won't eat his breakfast. I feel like I spend half the morning trying to get him to eat and then just end up feeding him. He'll eat just fine if I'm spooning the food into his mouth. It is beyond frustrating because he is perfectly capable.
I've also been trying so had to help Croix learn how to dress himself. He CAN do it but out right refuses. I really want him doing this before baby comes and the fact that he won't even try is again beyond frustrating.
He is also in this phase where he just doesn't seem to listen to anything I say. I find myself saying over and over day after day "you need to listen". I will tell him to stop or not to do something and he just keeps on like he doesn't even hear me. It is beyond frustrating!
The other morning (the Monday after he went camping, and was tired) he wouldn't eat. I told him if he didn't eat his breakfast he wasn't getting anything until lunch time and we had places to go and he would be hungry. (This has become another oft repeated phrase/conciquence. ) He didn't eat, we went out and about on our morning activities. He of course was grumpy from being hungry, I took the opportunity to remind him this is why we eat breakfast. (I always do and yet he still doesn't eat breakfast) We got home, I started making lunch early. As soon as we got home Croix ran in and went potty. He came out half naked. Croix, as always wanted to help make lunch. I told him I'd love for him to help once he put his underwear and shorts on. I stalled way too long to give him time. He didn' t put them on. So he didn't help make lunch. He's still hungry. I tell him I'd love to have him eat lunch with me after he put his underwear and shorts on. He still didn't put them on. So I ate lunch while he cried. I told him he better hurry up and eat because if he hadn't eaten by nap time he would just have to wait until after nap. I was praying and praying he would just put them on because he was so stinking tired he NEEDED a good long nap, which I knew he wouldn't take if he was hungry and tired. Finally after close to 45 min of him crying he finally put them on, ate lunch, and took an almost 4 hr nap. Dang kid was exhausted!
In the midst of this struggle I had to keep reminding myself. This is not a power struggle. It doesn't matter what he chooses to do, I've laid out consequences I just need to be patient and follow through. And remember that screaming "just put your (deleted mental expletive here) shorts on" will not help at all. Only make both of us more upset.
After Croix was finally down for a nap I thought about how to varying degrees everyday is like this. Everyday is frustrating and requires large amounts of patience. And then I thought "this is exactly what I wanted in life". Not in a blissful serene my life is perfect and everything I'd ever hoped for way. In a wow THIS is exactly what I wanted in life?
My life is so good and blessed. I have a husband who is perfect for me. We have a wonderful strong relationship. I love him beyond words and know he feels the same way. I have a son who is amazing. And being his Mom brings me more joy then I have ever known. I am pregnant with a little girl. Brent is able to provided well for us so I can stay home with my child(ren). Yes this is what I dreamed of having. Yet it is daily so hard and frustrating. I didn't realize how hard it would be.
It reminds me of one of the talks given in the most recent General Conference. The speaker said to be thankful if you were blessed with a challenging child because it would provided you with even greater opperrunities to learn and grow. Croix is certainly not a challenging child. Generally his is very well behaved. And thank goodness! Clearly I am learning and growing tremendously with his sweet natured self. As I think of this I try and be thankful for the frustration and challenges that come with Motherhood as I know they are helping me learn and grow in ways that only Motherhood could. I'm also pouring out prayers to help me be kind, help me to be gentle, help me to know what I can do to be the best Mother possible to this precious child who I love so dearly.
My life is exactly what I wanted. And I do love my life even the difficult parts because they are refining me and helping me to be more Christ like.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
The wind was blowing really hard, but Croix enjoyed being in the forest.
Once we met up with my friend, we decided to head into the forest a few miles and look for a spot. We found a nice clear, flat spot surrounded by pine trees. We set up our tents and started up the camp stove to roast some marshmallows for smores (there was a campfire ban that started the morning before we left). We sat around a talked until the sun went down. We got our PJ's on but Croix was not ready for bed yet. We looked at stars for a while until 9:00 when I climbed into the tent with Croix. After we got settled in our sleeping bags, Croix went right to sleep and didn't wake up until 6 the next morning. I on the other hand only slept 3 or 4 hours total. It was pretty cold (about 45 degrees) so every time Croix moved, I would make sure he was covered up. Right at 6:00, he woke up shivering. We warmed up some water for hot chocolate and bundled up in a big coat. He was in heaven.
After a breakfast of blueberry pancakes, sausage, and orange juice, the dads cleaned up and put away camp while the kids ran around and played.
We found a lizzard sunning itself on a rock. We also saw a catapiller crossing the road and stopped to check it out.
After a little while at the lake, we headed over to Tonto Creek. We found a nice deep pool and dropped our lines in. We could see the fish go after our lures but no bites. After a while we decided to pack it up and head out.
I'm having to do nonstress tests and ultra soudns every week now. Two weeks ago (32 wks) she had gone to sleep and wasn't moving for the NST so they couldn't get the reads they needed. I was strapped to that stupid machine for an hour! Yesterday (33 wks) she was moving more but they saw I was having quite a few contractions. So the midwife checked me. Cervix is not dialated at all. Good to know!
The other day the Aquarium was celebrating their 2nd anniversary. It happened to be the day after Mother's Day. So they were offering admission for only $2 for Moms. Since Croix is still free it made for a rather affordable outing for our little family. Croix loved it! If you live in the area and have never been you should check it out.
Kate dug right in.
When I got home I was sitting and relaxing (that much shopping 8 months pregnant will sure wear a lady out!) when the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone and so I didn't even get up to see who it might be. Then all the sudden it sounded like someone was trying to open my door! I got up and looked out the peep hole, didn't see anything. Then all our neighbors dogs started barking! I said a little prayer, and went on relaxing.
The next morning I was getting ready to go to my Dr. apt and it sounded like our door coming in from the garage opened. I was sure Brent and Croix were home early. I went down to check and nothing. Nothing like a noisy townhouse with shared walls to make all sorts of sounds while I'm home alone!
Brent pointed out it was my first time sleeping at home alone. I thought for sure it wasn't but thinking about it everytime we've been apart, I've been the one who's been gone! I've gone to bed with out him plenty of times but he's always come home.
They came home that afternoon. I was just long enough for me to enjoy my quite time, appreciate having them home, but not miss them too much! I realized it's probably the last quite me time I'll get before baby comes!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Our ward had a culture party last week. Brent was on the committee in charge (because you know us Mormons, we love our committees). He went early to help set up leaving me to get our potluck dish and Croix ready. I realized how much he helps, with out me having to ask and direct him. He just jumps in and does a great job of being a Dad and Husband.
The food was great, most of it. There were some dishes that were definitely outside of my American pallet. I was cursing my gestational diabetes as I longingly passed by most of the desserts. I did have, part of a slice of cake. How much longer do I have?
One sister brought cupcakes in ice cream cones with frosting on top so they looked like ice cream cones. Croix couldn't wait to get his hands on one once he did he turned into an instant adorable mess. He had so much fun running around with all the other kids and playing the games. At one point he ran past us saying "Having so much fun". It made me grateful for a church that focuses so much on family, because as I sat there watching Croix brim over with happiness playing with all the kids my heart brimmed over with love for my family.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
(I was going to write about this in my 32 week post but I don't want to forget and I don't want to post about 32 weeks with out pictures which requires the desktop.)
Maizy is head down now. Which is good, where she should be. It also puts her in the perfect position to pound away on my bladder. Two nights ago I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep when she started punching my bladder. I put my hand down as low as I could to see if I could get her to move so she wouldn't be hitting my bladder. At the exact moment I placed my hand there she punched again. Her hand hit mine, not my bladder. It was such an odd cool feeling. It was a little like a high five. I have to say one of my favorite parts of pregnancy is chasing little hands or feet around my belly. It's almost like I get to play with my child before they are born. It's just such an amazing experience that I am so grateful to have.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Well I finally got a smart phone and I feel a little like a cool kid. I also feel a lift bit like a dork admitting this. But seriously! It's pretty cool! It's like a small computer! I ended up getting a Droid and so far I love it! It can do so much!
One day we were going to a friends for a playdate. A friend of the Mom had gotten in a car accident so she left to go pick her up. She ended up not being there when we got to their house. I had an errand to run near by but I didn't know where the office was I needed to go to. I pulled out my phone. Googled the guys name, got the address, put it in my navigation and my phone lead me right there! I'm a total nerd but I thought, "that was awesome!"
It's also fun to play games with my friends. Like hey, I'm as cool as you so I can play this fun game with you.
It was also so great to have at the Dr. I could read my Scriptures while strapped to the Non Stress Test. It's awesome to have my Scriptures and General Conference talks with me wherever I go!
This phone is still smarter than me. I still haven't figured out how to do everything. But I've got the essentials down and I'm learning. You know Croix has already figured out how to get into apps and play the ones for him and get into YouTube and Netflix and watch videos. How a 2 yr old can do that is amazing to me.
Right after I got this phone I read this article. (Everyone should take a minute and read this ENTIRE article, its not just about smart phones) The timing was perfect, inspired even. I'm making sure my phone is not becoming a new appendage. It's all about balance right! ?!
*disclaimer* I still think you are cool if you don't have a smart phone!!!!! And i in no way am trying to say you are uncool!
Once again our computer is not working. Not the whole thing, everything works except the internet. Which oddly enough makes the whole computer feel a little useless. The internet works fine on the Ipod and my phone, just not the desktop. I call cox. They get it working but say call Dlink (the router co) it will most likely happen again. Sure enough before I even hung up the phone it was not working again (of course I didn't realize that until AFTER I hung up the phone). I call Dlink and spend a ridiculous amount of time on the phone TRYING to talk to someone, most likely in India. After way too much time and far to many "I'm sorry can you repeat that?" And "I'm sorry what did you say" I was told to call HP. Of course by this point neither Croix nor my back could take sitting in our uncomfortable computer chair any longer. I abandoned the computer and went and played with my poor neglected little boy. That was a few days ago. I don't even want to call HP. I know the computer is no longer under warranty. It's crashed a few times and even been wiped clean and rebuilt. As much as I don't want to call I don't want to buy a new computer! Stupid technology! At least I have my phone!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
I find myself overwhelmed by gratitude and contentment at my role as Mother. All morning I've had my heart overflow as I soak in my child. He is beyond adorable. He is sweet. He is funny. He has a great imagination. He is the greatest joy in my life.
Being a Mother has been more challenging then I ever imagined it would be. There are moments of frustration, fear, tears and exhaustion. But they are all over shadowed by sweet kisses, requests to snuggle, and watching his innocence take in the world.
There is nothing in life that has been more rewarding and joyful then being a mother. I am awed at all I have learned from this great privilege.
I am beyond excited to add a sweet little girl to our family. I love carrying her inside me. Making conscious decisions to benefit my growing baby only make me anticipate her arrival that much more.
I love that Motherhood is a physical manifestation of the love and commitment between Brent and I. Together we have embarked and journey on the path of parenthood. Through this journey we grow closer together. We learn more about each other and ourselves.
I can think of nothing in the world I would rather be then a wife and Mother.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Croix is all bout playing games these days. He always wants to play a game. I try and think of new things we can do. He could use to improve his fine motor skills so I pulled out our trusty beans. I then scoured the house for random small items. We ended up with some buttons, seashells, washers,and screws. I threw them in a bowl with the beans and had Croix find them all. When ever he found an item he circled a line on a paper. He loved it! And picking up all those small items, moving the beans, and drawing circles were all great for his fine motor skills. I love when he's learning and just thinks he's having fun!
The other day Croix and I were walking home from the park. As we came to the end of the street the garbage truck turned onto the road. With where we were and the truck was I decided it was easier and safer to just back up a little and wait for it to go by. Croix loves the garbage truck anyway so that's what we did. We watched as he picked up two cans. Then the truck stopped. The driver opened the door and asked if Croix would like to come in and check it out. I said of course he would.
The driver adjusted everything so Croix wouldn't be able to do any damage while he was in there and hopped out. I hefted Croix up in the drivers seat, which was quite the task since it was over my head and I'm 8mo pregnant. Croix sat there, wiggled the steering wheel, looked at all the buttons and levers. The driver was kind enough to help Croix down. On the way he helped Croix honk the horn. He was in little boy heaven. He couldn't wait to tell his Daddy! The rest of the day he kept talking about driving the garbage truck and honking the horn. Yay for friendly garbage truck drivers!!
(The picture is not so great. All I had was my cell phone and it was super bright and hard to see. Didn't know Croix was going to have one of the best moments of his life on the way home from the park or I would have brought my real camera )